I know what your thinking what the hell is wrong with me for not updating after coming back from India! Sorry I guess I was kinda lazy only joking.
Too much has been going on lately, my mind is kinda everywhere and keep thinking of 'what ifs' and 'whys'. Since finding out my parents are not my biological parents but my biological mother and father is my dad's brother and sister-in-law...then realising I'm not an only child I have twin older sisters and a older brother.
Even though I still haven't told my parents that I know I found out by finding my birth certificate then being really shocked and dazed for a while, I thought I was alrite about it but I'm very happy and grateful that they brought me up as their child.

I was dealing with it really well by myself until I told one of my cousins and now my close cousins know and my mum's 2 sisters - I'm not exactly the type of person who confides to someone about everything because sometimes I like to deal with things by myself but I found my close family members are always supportive and I think that's how we all stick so well...I see my cousins as brothers and my younger aunty like a best friend...I told them I knew but I never told them how I felt.
I thought I was dealing with it well by myself until last weekend when I was with my aunty and my cousin when they asked how I felt...and I don't why but I just burst out crying and didn't realise it actual still does affect me...I guess you can't always deal with things by yourself and you need support of others. It felt like the weight was taken off my shoulder when I told my cousin and aunt how I felt, so I'm glad my emotions came out then because if I didn't have an emotion outburst sooner I don't think I would have been able to deal with it.

But anyways I'm in no way angry with my parents for not telling me I guess they were protecting me from the truth especially in my teenage years as my emotions were everywhere during that time or that I may use this excuse in an argument with them without thinking.

The family members who I've told haven't told mum and dad yet but they told me they are with me when I want to tell my parents what I know and that it doesn't change anything, they will always be my parents no matter what. A few occasions I've tried to confront my parents but nothing comes out my mouth...my fear is that if I tell them it might hurt them because I kept this secret from them for nearly 10 months now. I think I'm scared that they might treat me differently or that everything may change making sure they won't say anything wrong to me and I won't say anything wrong to them.
But I will tell them until I feel really comfortable enough to say something...I will have to tell them the truth sooner or later.


My time in India
Okay enough with my messed up head =p I really had an awesome time in India although I went for a week I loved every minute of it. My cousin's wedding was beautiful and very tiring getting all the preparations, the clothes, shoes etc done in time!
I'm seriously not use to waking up at 5/6am in the morning everyday lol. Everyday we was doing something or going somewhere. Went to the Golden Temple after we boarded our flight at 5 in the morning but it was really beautiful made me feel like I was right at home. Went to lots more gurdwaras in the first few days, then a Hindu temple (1st time I've been to a Hindu temple so I didn't really know the customs that well but it was beautiful), shopping, shopping, shopping, family outings and more shopping! We usually came back at home 2/3am in the morning so you can guess when I came back to England I stayed in bed allday during the weekend =p.

Although we had a really scary incident in Jallandhur (spelling?) when shopping for my cousin's wedding. It was all females in the car except for the driver we finished the shopping at 9pm (yes a stupid mistake for all women to go somewhere we hardly even know just for shopping!) and then went for McDonalds. After Mcdonalds a car behind kept flashing at us, our driver kept indicating to that car to take over him but strangely didn't...next minute you know they were chasing our car - that really scared the living daylights out me! because they kept chasing us trying to make us stop and then trying to slam their car into ours!

Then the engine burst in our car when the driver did a 3 point turn to keep away from that car!!! I seriously thought that was it we were gonna die cos you only see this in movies, just good job there was a petrol station nearby. The driver stopped and a guy dressed in a policeman's suit came out of that car telling us all to get out of the car but we just locked all the doors and windows...cos there were 3 suspicious people in that car with scarves over their faces. Thankfully my cousin's aunty was with us because she's a police woman. She went hysterical whwn she go out of the car shouting at the guy that they nearly try to kill us chasing us, she then asked for his ID but he just ran back in the car and sped off! I just couldn't believe what happened I'm just grateful she was there if she wasn't then we would have been in deep trouble.

We didn't realise that the car was following us all that time when we were shopping at Frontiers. Apparently another 3 people got robbed near this shop on the same night of the incident and 1 victim was seriously injured. I'm just glad that everyone else was okay and didn't get harmed. At least we learned our lesson!


Anyways going to India was kinda a spiritual enlightenment for me =) I didn't let any issues or worries that I had in England get to me while in India so as you would know I was extremely happy in India and can't wait to go again....and this is speaking from a girl who use to hate going to India lol...but one thing that hasn't changed I'm still scared of flying!
Oh and I never use to drink coffee and cappucino before but I've become addicted to Indian cappuccino! - British cappuccino just can't compare lol.


Thanks to these guys for commenting =) : Bablu, Lisa and Faras.

p.s need to change the layout had it on for too long although I haven't designed in a really long time so the new layout won't probably be up after few posts....need to get my creative skills juicing :p